Indoor potties

I don't have many regrets in life, but I am dedicating today's post to one. I wish I had known about indoor dog potties when Lilith was alive. I have two for Leo: one for home and one for work, and he uses them quite successfully (though like all little boys, his aim leaves a bit to be desired from time to time). I got them from ebay for about $25 each because I don't have a private back yard right outside my kitchen door, and with a new puppy, waiting for the elevator and descending ten floors isn't exactly a good plan, especially right after they've eaten. I really wish I had discovered them when I had a senior dog who had trouble holding it while waiting for the elevator. How could I have missed such a cool invention? Next time, I'll be ready. For now, I can only spread the word. 

They're really easy to use. I trained Leo to use them by putting some shavings from his box at the breeder's under the grill. Clean up is a breeze. You just spray them down in the shower! They come with pee pads, but Leo tried to eat them. Besides, hosing them down is just as easy. 

So there you have it, people. Plastic gold. How much grief this would have spared Lilith, and how much sleep and carpet cleaning this would have spared me! Sigh.

Here is the link where I found mine:

http://www.ebay.ca/itm/Dog-Toilet-Color-green-40cm-50cm-UGODOG-INDOOR-DOG-POTTY-TOILET-puppy-training-/130620092330?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item1e69906faa

Those of you with big dogs can try the ugodog, which is basically the same thing, but you can snap two together. http://www.ugodog.net/#

Here's Leo in his playpen at work using his potty as a bed.

 

Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm 64?

Just because I now have a puppy doesn't mean I've forgotten what it's like to look after an older dog. The sleepless nights, incontinence, and general dependency remind me on a regular basis, believe me. I look at Leo and think about how lucky I am that I most likely won't be facing his mortality for over a decade. However, I still hope that at some point down the road, I'm able to adopt another senior dog. The kind of love you get from an older dog is priceless. Someday, I will have that relationship with Leo. I will love him all the days of his life. Maybe someday I'll add an older dog to the mix, too!  

 

This moment of cuteness is brought to you by a good meal :-)

Yum! That was delicious!

Homecoming King

Leo has been home for 24 hours, and is adjusting very well. He's tired, but today, I can sit in another room while he dozes calmly in the kitchen. Speaking of the kitchen, I have blocked it off with a baby gate for him because 85% accuracy with the dog potty isn't quite good enough to let him have free run of the carpeted areas. He's doing very well with the housebreaking, both at home and at school, but the highlight of his day is feeding time. He loves his food. He's turning out to be a fabulous snuggler, and the kids at work love him dearly. I look forward to every day I get with him, and I hope they are plentiful :-)

I'm in love!

 

The time has come, but this time, it's good news!

The boy in the blue collar, henceforth known as Leo, gets to come home tomorrow! I'm terrified, but elated. We're ready. Well, as ready as we'll ever be, and will take each day as it comes.

Leo is the one on the left. Here he is sitting calmly while his sister chews on his ear.

Happy birthday, Lilith

Lilith would have been 17 today. Every day I had with her was a blessing, and I am so thankful. Happy birthday, little friend. I love you. 

 

Changes

I'm able to think of Lilith and smile now. I still miss her, but I can look at her pictures and blow kisses at them without crying now. Ophelia has stopped meowing at the door every time I come in, but I think she's still kind of lonely, and would like a furry friend. 

I got to meet the puppies a couple of weeks ago, and will get to see them again soon. There's one in particular that stole my heart, and since I get second pick of the litter, the odds are good that he'll be able to come home with us. I'm so excited, but really scared, too. I've never been responsible for a puppy. I've had them, but as a child, so it doesn't really count. My mom isn't even alive for me to ask advice, so I'll have to muddle through as best I can. 

The puppies at 2 weeks old

I've got a puppy kindergarten program picked out, and just bought a lock for the garbage can today. I've read everything I could get my hands on about raising puppies, and now, all that's left is to live it. Just like caring for a senior pet, I'm sure there will be curveballs, but if I learned anything from Lilith, it's that I'm stronger than I ever thought possible, and I can adapt when necessary. Wish us luck!

The purpose of a dog

A friend of mine forwarded this to me, and I had to share because it's utterly perfect:

 

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa , and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.  I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker ‘s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker’s death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.
Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ”I know why.” Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live.
He said,”People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life — like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?” The Six-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long."

Nuff said.

P.S. I found a source online. It's not the original, but it's better than nothing:
http://bayintegratedmarketing.wordpress.com/2012/03/18/a-dogs-purpose-from-a-6-year-old/ 

Grandma O

Our puppy was born on Monday, which means that in less than eight weeks, Ophelia will be an adoptive grandma! I think she'll enjoy having a little pup around. She's such a cuddler that as long as the puppy doesn't attempt to entice her into play, they'll get along just fine...I hope. It remains to be seen, but I'm optimistic. 

It'll be quite a change of pace from having a senior dog to having a puppy. Some of it will be the same though, such as the nocturnal potty excursions and the sleeping on the floor in case he needs comfort, the special food, frequent trips to the vet for immunizations and whatnot, etc. The main difference is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. No, not THAT kind of light. In a few weeks, he'll be able to make it through the night, and then we'll be able to go on long walks and play fetch. Yay! I'm so excited!! 

The puppy's senior years are far away, but when they come, I'll love him right through them. By that time, I hope the good people at dogquality.com have a dog stroller suitable for large breeds, hint hint...

Our puppy is in here somewhere :-)

Things are looking up

Ophelia has started gaining weight again. I think she was stressed about losing Lilith. She tested negative for hyperthyroidism, and her xrays showed no signs of lymphoma, so we changed her food back to kibble and decided to wait and see. She just weighed in at 10 lbs, and I hope this trend continues. She looks much better with a little fat on her bones, though she still needs a bit more. 
 

Oh no...

Ophelia's lost a lot of weight lately, so I took her to the vet. They tested for thyroid problems and a worsening of her already present kidney disease, but those values came back normal. During her exam, the vet said her abdomen felt odd, and he was concerned about the possible presence of lymphoma, so today, we're going in for an x-ray. If she's got lymphoma, the prognosis is really grim. We're talking 4-6 weeks. I don't understand because she isn't acting sick, but my mother died of lymphoma, and she acted fine for quite some time, too. They could do surgery to remove the mass, followed by chemotherapy. However, at 15 1/2, I'm not going to put Ophelia through either. The writing is on the wall, and I can't believe how cruel a fate this is, especially so soon after Lilith's death. Ophelia and I have been together since she was about 6 months old. I have shared my pillow with her for 15 years! I've pulled her toothbrush out along with mine every morning, and haven't had an empty lap in a decade and a half. I haven't had to walk into an empty house after work in so long that I just don't know how I'll cope.

The best tribute to Lilith possible

I'm going to pay homage to Lilith the best way imaginable - by getting another dog. I loved Lilith with all my heart, and it sucks that she's not here anymore, but I loved the time that we spent together so much that I want to do it again, despite the inevitable eventuality of death. The best way for me to honour Lil is to love another dog. Maybe it makes precious little sense, but I think Lil would approve. In fact, I think she'd be proud.

Anyway, my next dog will indeed be a chocolate lab, just like I've always wanted, and his expected date of birth is September 20th, which means I should be able to bring him home some time around November 10th. That should give me plenty of time to adequately grieve Lilith's absence and get ready for a puppy. It'll be a major change of pace, but caring for Lilith in her golden years taught me to be adaptable, so I think I'm up for it. 

I finally settled on a breeder for two main reasons. First, when I checked 3 branches of the SPCA AND every rescue organization I could find online, they had very few dogs, and 80% of the ones they had were pit bulls or pit bull mixes. I think pit bulls are great, and I don't buy into the hype about their violent natures, but I intend to take this dog to my elementary school, and the parents might not understand. If parents complain, the district will most likely side with them, and I don't want the dog to sit at home all day when he could be with me at work. Anyway, I also tried looking for breeders rehoming dogs that had been returned to them for whatever reason, but they were few and far between, and the one I did find had jacked up the price by $400 because he knew how to sit, and was therefore "trained" according to her. Ummm, no. It just didn't seem to be working, and then when I thought about training my future dog to be a therapy dog, I realized the importance of socialization during weeks 8-12, so I concluded that a puppy would be best.  

What the future dog might look like

Who knew?

If you had told me a month ago that someday, I'd do anything for the opportunity to wake up in the middle of the night and carry Lil to the front lawn, I'd have called you crazy. Yet I would give anything to hold her in my arms on the elevator and wait patiently for her to sniff every blade of grass before finally peeing.

Every sunrise offers a new opportunity

This morning wasn't terrible. I didn't spring out of bed ready to party, but I didn't want to die either. I had a snuggle with Ophelia, who is unfortunately still ripping out huge hunks of her fur out of stress and grief, and then went for a walk. It was nice to remember the places where Lilith and I liked to go. I walked near our old apartment, along the paths we used to love, and smiled at each memory tucked between the trees and shrubs. 

Yesterday, I made a memorial powerpoint presentation with all of my favourite photos and anecdotes of Lilith. I'll really enjoy looking at it over the next little while. 

I have a picnic to go to tonight, and it's also been doing me a world of good to do something social every day. Moping is ok for a little while, but it becomes habit forming after a while, and that's dangerous. 

Are you kidding me?

I woke up this morning, fed Ophelia, and then padded over to the fish tank to feed Bubbles, my 4 1/2 year old Betta. I blinked a few times to make sure I wasn't dreaming, but it was true. Bubbles is dead, and with that, I find myself completely immersed in the anger stage of grief. Two pets in one week? Why? And why me? What the bleep have I done wrong lately that suddenly my pets are dropping like flies? Wasn't I sad enough already after having just lost Lilith?

And then comes the fear: Will things happen in threes? Is Ophelia going to die soon? 

I KNOW Bubbles was 4 1/2, and for a species that has a tendency to die when you look at them sideways, that's pretty good, but there was comfort in seeing him swimming around in my kitchen. I loved saying good morning to him, and now, his tank is empty, and just at the time when I needed the comfort of his presence the most. 

I don't know what to think anymore. Right now I'm just a giant raw nerve. I think I'm going to drive to Bellingham today just so I can yell and scream in my car on the way. 

 

Over 48 hours

I woke up this morning, careful where to put my feet in case Lilith was asleep next to the bed, but then I realized that she wasn't ever going to be there again, and that realization made me very sad. I really miss my sweet girl today. I missed her yesterday, too, but today the permanent nature of her death is starting to sink in, and I just wish I could hold her and kiss the top of her head like I used to.

I went for my first real walk without her today. It was ok. It didn't totally suck, but it wasn't nearly as much fun without her. Baby steps...

Thoughts about yesterday

Lilith has been dead for 24 hours, and I'm actually feeling pretty peaceful about the situation. I kind of wish I'd bought some more kleenex yesterday on the way back from the vet, but toilet paper is working just fine. Anyway, although I woke up to an empty doggie bed, didn't have to step gingerly over Lilith en route to the bathroom, and didn't have a dog to kiss awake and take outside for a morning pee, I also didn't have a dog to worry about when she was peeing in case she couldn't support herself with her rear legs. I didn't have a dog to medicate, and I didn't have a dog to watch hobble with difficulty until that medication kicked in and she was able to walk somewhat normally again. I think I did the right thing for Lilith. I loved her so much, and will miss her, but I was able to make it stop hurting for her, and I was brave enough to hold her until the end.

It was hard to watch them put the IV into her leg because she got scared, but I held her in my arms and she was fairly calm and serene when she died. I had done a lot of research on aftercare (like cremation options and the like) so I was prepared for those questions when I was asked, but I wasn't prepared for the IV. I thought it would just be a needle, but the procedure itself caused Lilith stress, and that, in turn, caused me stress. The vet was wonderful, as usual; he even patiently rebandaged her leg after I insisted on taking the IV catheter out (as if it was bothering Lilith or something), and picked her up so gently to take her away. The only thing I would have changed about the experience was the payment method. I wish I'd been able to prepay. It was not fun having people with their dogs in the waiting room while I had to stand there sniffling and trying to sign my name legibly to the credit card slip. I would have liked to just leave afterwards. However, all in all, I think it was the right thing to do, and I'm thankful that I had friends there to support me through the experience.


We went for some soul food after we left the vet's office, and we sat in a park for a little while. After I went home, I was so tired that I didn't have the energy to grieve much. Today will be tougher because I'm planning to take my first walk on the seawall without her. I would normally have gone in the early morning, but didn't have the heart to face our regular crowd yet. Still, I haven't walked along the seawall without Lil in three years. It'll be strange.

Ophelia has been a little agitated. She keeps looking for her sister every time the door opens, and when she realizes that it's just me, she looks so sad that it breaks my heart even more. She's been really cuddly, I guess as an attempt to comfort me and receive comfort herself. We'll be ok. It'll just take some time.

Lilith at age 14. Food was always the way to her heart :-)

 

Lilith is at peace

Lilith is no longer in pain. She died in my arms this afternoon. Thankfully, my friends Chad and Brent were there to help me. I would have been a wreck if I had had to go through it alone. I'll write more about the experience later. I'm exhausted right now, and just want to curl up with my blanket and lie down for a bit.

:`(

I choked my way through the phone call to the vet. We have an appointment at 12:20 today. In less than 4 hours, Lilith will be at peace. She's still just laying on her bed, but I could have sworn that once I hung up with the vet, she said "thank you". My wonderful friend Chad is going to drive us to the vet because I'm in no condition to drive. I've already polished off the entire box of kleenex (it was a small box, mind you), and am going to start on a roll of toilet paper soon. I've been trying to let Lilith rest. She's made no attempt to get up, let alone eat or drink, and I don't want to freak her out with my erratic energy, but I do want one more snuggle.

:-(

Overnight, Lilith's condition has worsened immensely. She passed out during our morning walk, and could barely hold herself upright to pee. It's time. The vet said we had 3-4 months, and I thought we had until the end of August, but the time has come now. In the space of a day, her HHHHHMM score went down to 23. She turned away from her food and hasn't had water since midnight. She's just laying on her bed. I looked into her eyes and asked her if she wanted me to help her die, and her response was pretty obvious. I don't know how I'm going to call the vet to arrange everything, but I have to. Thankfully, I've been mentally preparing for this for quite some time, so after I make the arrangements with the vet, I'm going to send an email to her closest uncles and give them a chance to say good-bye. Then it'll be my turn to say a final good-bye.

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." (Eleanor Roosevelt) 

A very sad realization :-(

Lilith's days are numbered, and the numbers are rapidly approaching the single digits. She was doing well on her new meds for a few days, but now, she just isn't anymore. She has trouble walking, and it's obvious. She pants, she stumbles, and she sometimes has trouble standing because her hind legs can barely support her weight. There are a lot of high points, too, but I can no longer justify the situation. She scored 39 on the HHHHHMM scale this week, which is just 4 points above the bare minimum. And really, who cares if she still eats fairly well if she's in constant pain?

And so (inhale, exhale...) I've pretty much decided to opt for euthanasia before the end of this month. I'm going to sit with that decision for a day or two just in case a miracle occurs and Lilith's mobility improves drastically, but I'm not going to hold my breath. Honestly, at this point I'm hoping she dies in her sleep so I don't have to go through with it, but for me, this is the ultimate sacrifice, and I love Lilith enough to do it for her.

I'm going to miss her so much. I don't know how I'm going to cope when she's not there to kiss awake in the morning. Who will I walk along the seawall with? Who will I make liver fudge and peanut butter biscuits for, and whose snoring will lull me to sleep at night? I'll have a collection of cute doggie sweaters and all of her grooming supplies to remind me of her absence (as if I'll need physical clues), but no Lilith. This hurts so much already :-( 

Up and down like a toilet seat

Lilith has been doing really well on her new meds, but this morning, she refused to eat (so her meds didn't make it into her system). She had noticeable trouble walking, and is panting a lot. Her food is down, and I sure hope she eats it really soon. At this point, every time she refuses to eat, I worry (for obvious reasons, I think). Sigh...

Stick thin senior

I weighed Ophelia today, and was a bit shocked to find that she only weighs 7.6 lbs! I'm not terribly concerned, since I did radically alter her diet due to her kidney disease, and she continues to appear healthy and happy. She eats well, and enjoys treats and toothpaste just as much as she always has, but still, that's quite a drop in weight for a cat who was once put on a diet because she weighed 17 lbs! Her most recent weight at the vet was 12 lbs, so she's dropped about 4.5 over the past 7 months. That's a little much. I might try to supplement her diet with something to help her maintain some meat on her bones. She's too tiny at this weight. Note to self: ask the vet what treats I can give her...

In other news, Lilith is doing very well on her new meds, though the recent change of weather did not go over very well with her (she's not a fan of wind). I always make sure to put her jacket on during cooler walks, so hopefully she'll continue to improve. It does my heart a world of good to see her prance along beside me during our walks. 

Happy moments

Lil's new medication seems to be putting quite a lot of pep in her step! She has consistently been able to walk a whole lot more than she used to, and she's loving every minute of it. In fact, she tried to jump out of her buggy three times this morning. I had to tell her to chill out and wait for me to unfasten her buckles. It's so nice to see her so happy and vibrant!

I'm quite enjoying my staycation so far, just typing with Ophelia next to me as I wait for the timer to beep, indicating that my dinner is ready. I'm in the mood to spend the evening sewing, so I think I will. Ophelia loves it when I sew. She likes to purr in harmony with the machine, and she often brushes up against my legs while I'm cutting fabric and feeding it through the machine. Today is a quiet sort of day, what with the rain and mugginess outside. It's a day to just enjoy being at home with the girls :-)

This just about sums up how I plan to spend the rest of the day.

 

Awww: a moment of cuteness

Amidst the difficulties associated with Lilith's decline, there have been some really precious moments. One of my favourite new habit of ours is morning snuggles. She wakes up really slowly these days, and I usually climb onto her doggie bed and pat her until she's wide awake. Yesterday, she was loving the extra snuggles, but didn't want to wake up, so I carried her to the living room where her breakfast was waiting, thinking that would do the trick. It was her favourite: k/d with chicken liver fudge, a side of peanut butter biscuit, and topped with a cod liver oil sauce. And what did she do? Check it out below:

Just five more minutes, ok?

 

Daring to hope

Lilith walked quite a bit yesterday, and really seemed to be enjoying herself on the seawall. I'm cautiously optimistic that her new meds are finally kicking in, and silently cursing myself for nicking her quick while I was cutting her nails today. Now I'm hesitant to take her for a walk just in case dirt gets in her owie. If it looks ok, I'll take her out and just clean it carefully when we get back home. I really want to see if yesterday was just a fluke, or if the meds are actually working. Let me just clarify that I'm not viewing this new improvement as a miracle cure. There is no escaping the fact that Lilith is dying. The vet said he thinks she has 3-4 months tops, but I actually think it will be less somehow. I've been observing very carefully to see if I need to step in and help Lilith with the process, but she still seems pretty happy, and her HHHHHMM score is still in the 40s (it's dropped a bit, but not enough to indicate a horribly low quality of life). As long as she's not in pain, I won't interfere with nature.


In other news, Ophelia has developed the cutest new habit ever! She now crawls underneath the covers and tucks herself in for a nap. I haven't talked much about Princess O lately because her sister has been taking up a lot of my attention, but I'm thrilled to announce that Ophelia is fit and fabulous at 14. She's finally adjusted to her new food, is able to hop up on the bed without the stool for the first time in 2 years (viva glucosamine), and her kidney function is back to normal-ish. Yay!

Such cuteness!

Last ditch effort

I took Lil to see the vet today, and we're now trying another medication for her arthritis. I know I said I wouldn't add any more medications to her daily cocktail, but this new course of action makes sense to me. Previously, the vet didn't want to put Lilith on this particular medication because it might negatively affect her kidneys, but at this point, her pain level is too high to worry about that. I won't have her suffer. I can't, so if this doesn't work, I've decided to do the humane thing and opt for euthanasia. Sniff. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for my Lilith. She will not miraculously revert to the level of health she enjoyed when she was 14. Because I've accepted this, I've decided that if I can't maintain a good quality of life for her, I will help her die. I hope it doesn't come to that. I can't begin to express how much I want her death to occur without me having to make that decision, but love sometimes means having to shoulder responsibilities such as this one.

Anyway, I should start to see signs of improvement within a week at most, so here's hoping...

P.S. I'm awfully proud of myself for holding it together during our appointment, especially considering that I've been tearing up at the gym, on the sidewalk, and while driving. This experience has been hard, but it's teaching me a lot about how loving and compassionate I can be, and I just hope I'll be strong enough until the end.

 

Time to tap the reserves of inner strength

It seems like the time to release Lilith is approaching even faster. At this point, her little body is not responding to her medication, and she just seems different somehow, like she's ready to go. Maybe I'm imagining things, but I've always known her heart, just as she has always known mine, and I see no reason why that would change now. Physically speaking, she still likes when I take her out in her stroller, but she doesn't ask to walk much these days. She's getting pretty lethargic, and isn't eating as much as she used to. I'm trying not to jump to conclusions and panic. We have a vet appointment for Monday, and once I have a professional opinion, I will react accordingly. I just hope that I can remain strong. I will give myself full permission to sob and hide under the covers for five solid days afterwards, but while she's still here, I want to be strong for my dog so that she doesn't pick up my anxious energy.

When I decided to adopt Lilith, I promised her that I would always be there for her, and that if she was ever scared or hurting, that I would hold her paw and cuddle her. I have kept that promise so far, and I plan to keep it until the end. Of course I'm only human, and can't suppress my emotions entirely, but I have to be able to function so that I can continue to care for Lilith properly. It's time to find the fountain of inner strength that life has already taught me I possess and use it to help me be a good friend to Lilith in the process of dying, just as I have been in life.

 

A question of breeding

Lilith is happy even when it's chilly on the seawall

I sure love my dog. I would love her if her coat was a mottled collection of colours, and one ear permanently flopped. I would love her if she wasn't so well behaved, and if she barked at inappropriate times. Oh let's face it. I adore my dog. I think she's perfect, and her breeding has nothing to do with that sentiment. Now don't get me wrong; I am super thankful that she was bred responsibly because she enjoyed 15 1/2 years of perfect health, and even at 17, enjoys fairly good health. However, if she was a mixed breed dog, I wouldn't care. If her markings weren't so perfect, and her ears weren't so cute, I seriously doubt it would affect how much space she occupies in my heart.

Breeding is on my mind today though. You see, I was talking to someone at the stables today about Lil, and how I most likely won't take her to work with me, even though I can, just because of her age and the stress it would cause her. The person I was chatting with happens to train dogs, and eventually, the conversation began to focus on my next dog. It seems odd talking to someone about my future dog when Lilith is still here, but I suppose gathering information doesn't hurt. I think my next dog will be a lab. There are a few reasons for this: I want my next dog to come to work with me and act as a therapy dog for the kids, I want a dog who will enjoy sitting in the cockpit of my kayak and retrieving sticks at the dog beach up the street. I want a dog I can camp with and hike with, and one that can be trusted off leash. Shiba Inus are therefore not a good fit for someone like me. 


People are really getting into Shibas because they're beautiful, but many of them are unfriendly (even my sweet Lilith isn't into being patted by strangers, though she will tolerate it, especially when children are concerned). Shibas don't like water, and can't be trusted off leash. Lilith's breed was a good fit for my parents, and I have made adjustments that have enabled us to share a good life together. However, my next dog will be better suited to my lifestyle. Labs are known to be great dogs around water and children, and although I would prefer a slightly smaller dog, I think I can work with the size issue. 

My one and only Shiba getting as close to the ocean as I can convince her to <3

I hope that all breeders are responsible enough to try to create a match between prospective human and canine companions, but I think it helps when the humans have a good idea about what they want. When people look for life partners, some people focus too much on looks and not enough on personality traits. Many humans put more effort into looking for a used car than they do into thinking about what kind of dog to adopt. My modus operandi is to adopt for life. I am a "til death do us part" kind of pet parent. Why not put some thought into it and ensure a good fit all around? 

That said, I am grateful for the information I received today, and will now go on enjoying every day I have left with Lilith. Despite her breed's characteristics, she is somehow perfect for me. It's almost like she's met me in the middle, and matched every compromise I've made with one of her own. She is a great sister to Ophelia (and vice versa), and I consider sharing time and space with her a supreme honour. I don't know what I did to be so lucky.  

My little friend :-)

Smooth moves

When your dog gets on in years, you become waaaaaay too interested in their bowel movements. Well, maybe it's just me, but when Lil goes, it's debatable which one of us feels more relief. I have been known to announce to complete strangers "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!!", and they have no clue what to make of that statement. Then, I immediately go and look at her pooh in order to assess its solidity, quantity, and colour. It seems I've become quite the amateur scatologist/nutjob! 

There are days when everything flows smoothly, and then there are days when Lil gets a little backed up, shall we say. Oh what to do in such cases??? I try to keep her walk schedule consistent, take her to familiar places where she has felt comfortable going before, ensure that she gets enough exercise, and keep her well hydrated. I also make sure not to radically alter her diet, and keep other dogs away from her when she needs to do a #2. It drives me a little bit crazy when she's just about to go and some strange dog tries to shove his nose up her colon. Pardon the visual, but seriously, it happens. 

I am of the opinion that prevention beats a cure any day, so I rely heavily on that aforementioned tips. However, when I get desperate, I break out the pumpkin biscuit recipe. So without further ado, here it is:


Preheat oven to 350 F. In a large bowl, mix 2 eggs with 1/2 cup pumpkin. Stir in 2 Tbsp skim milk powder and 1/4 teaspoon sea salt. Add about 2 1/2 cups whole wheat flour gradually, forming a dough. Roll dough on a floured surface between 1/4-1/2" thick, cut, and place on an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 20 minutes on each side, and allow to cool completely. Store in the fridge.


Note: you can substitute brown rice flour for whole wheat, if you can find it.


Lil hasn't gone today, so I will be trying again shortly. I say that I will be trying again because I seem to think that providing verbal encouragement will somehow help. Even if Lil could hear me (she is, after all, hard of hearing), I doubt it would help, but still I persist. Some people cheer on their sports team as if the TV were a conduit that allowed their voices to be heard. I cheer my dog on in a very similar manner. On days that she doesn't go, I provide many chances. You can bet there will be a small whoop of victory on my part when she finally goes, and passersby will seriously question my mental health. Sigh, sometimes I question my mental health.

Some people just plain suck

I've been following the campaign to save Lennox the cross breed dog from execution by ignorant people who want him dead because he looks like a pit bull. It seems that they're going to kill him within hours, and I'm so angry I can barely contain myself. I want to fly to Ireland and slap the judge across the face. This dog was a beloved faily pet and an unofficial assistance dog to their disabled daughter, yet he was condemned because of his appearance. I can't even begin to describe the way that injustice upon injustice has been piled upon this poor dog's head. I'm sure you can google it if you really want to know. I just want to get the following off my chest:

Dear ignorant morons who sentenced an innocent animal to death,
You suck. You just plain suck. You suck in ways that I hope are magnified and sent right back to you karmically in such a way that you wish you were the ones who were about to die. I hope there's a hell so you can go there and suffer like Lennox did over the past two years when you kept him in disgusting conditions while he was kept apart from his family. I hope every dog you cross paths with for the rest of your life pees on your shoes. I hope you lose your hair due to stress, just like Lennox did because of what you put him through. I hope you see the ugliness of your own hearts reflected back to you through other people. You are a blight on the human race. 

There, I feel much better now. Too soon, I too will grieve my dog, but at least I will have the comfort of knowing that I've been able to give her the best life possible for the duration of our time together. Lennox's family has had to live knowing that their precious pet was suffering, and to rub salt in the wound, they won't even get to say good-bye. To the family, my sincerest, most heartfelt condolences.

Hot stuff baby this evening...and this morning

Wow is it ever stuffy in our apartment! It's 5:00 a.m. and it's already ridiculously warm in here. I have the curtains 3/4 drawn, the oscillating fan on high, and the balcony door open a bit. I guess I'll have to put the baby gate up and open the balcony door a whole lot more. My poor hairy girls!! They've been drinking a lot of water lately, so I've been careful to refill it about four times a day. I've also tried to get as much of Lil's undercoat off as possible so she has less insulation to contend with. Anyway, I should go wake her up. We're going for a walk now so that it's more pleasant for her. Enjoy the sunshine!

A spoonful of cod liver oil makes the medicine go down

The vet confirmed that Lil's heart murmur has gotten worse. He doesn't think it's quite the end yet, but he gave us a medication to help a little bit in conjunction with the fortekor. 

Lil isn't like most dogs. You can't just wrap a pill in bacon and expect her to eat it. She has been known to go on hunger strikes if she can smell liquid medicine in her food, and she gags if she discovers capsules in it. I knew I couldn't expect new results while attempting to get a capsule into her stomach by using the same failed methods. Thus, I decided to wrap the capsule in liver fudge and roll it in cod liver oil, then hand feed it to her. Mission accomplished! How exciting! If she takes the three sample pills successfully, I'll start her on a regular dose of it next week. 

That said, I'm pretty sure this is the last medication I'll put her on. Between the cartrophen, the fortekor, and now this one (the name of which eludes me right now), I think that's enough, especially if you consider the glycoflex, the cod liver oil, the prescription food, etc. etc. If her adorable little body is failing, of course I'll do what I can to help her remain comfortable, but to fight the inevitable so hard doesn't feel right. I think she's starting to communicate a sense of physical fatigue to me, and I will respect that.  

Staycation approaching

Summer school ends next week, and I'll be so happy to have some time off of work to spend with the girls. Lil's vet appointment is in two days, and I'm not looking forward to it. No matter what he says, I can see a change in my dog that isn't for the better. She's perked up a little over the past few days, but that doesn't mean I can pull the wool back over my eyes. I just want a bit more time with her. I want to walk her in the morning and not have to rush back home so I can drop her off before work. I want to brush her and pet her while I sip watermelon frosties on my balcony. I just want to be relaxed and free to enjoy my little buddy's company while I still can. 

Long walks make us both very happy :-)

Speaking of little buddies, Ophelia could use a little TLC as well. (She sometimes gets the short end of the stick because her sister's a bit high maintenance). Ophelia loves to cuddle, and I look forward to having a whole lot more time to spend with her as well.

Pure bliss

 

Time is the enemy

I think the end is near. I really do. Over the past week, Lil has begun to decline at an alarming rate, and I think her time to leave me is approaching much faster than I would like it to. 

She's started walking without much coordination, twitches in her sleep, and her appetite has diminished. She still eats, but not as much as she used to, and it takes her about an hour to show some interest in the contents of her food dish. She's less interested in the world during our walks, and has started making snorting noises at night that don't seem too pleasant for her. But on top of all these symptoms, the increased panting is the one that worries me the most. Even with her regular dose of fortekor, she has begun to pant any time that she's not lying down. That can't be comfortable. 

Even Ophelia seems to know something isn't right with her sister. She's been acting really agitated this past week and meowing at all hours. I can no longer avoid the signs. It appears that the time has come for me to face reality and ensure that I do the best I can for my little canine friend.

I feel the need to discuss the current situation with the vet. If it's as bad as I think it is, I need to hear it from someone else (and by that, I mean someone with the expertise and education required to give me an accurate appraisal of my dog's general health). I'm so scared. I've run out of words.  

Happy doggie

I just HAD to share this picture. Is this not the happiest dog you have ever seen or what?

 

Pet hospice

It seems that hospice care for pets is conducted largely at home, rather than in a specific place, as it would be for humans. Of course, there are exceptions, such as Angel's Gate, a pet hospice in New York currently being accused by PETA of massive neglect. I couldn't find much else online, but I'm sure they're out there. However, I'll be discussing home based hospice care, which seems like a strategy to make a pet's final days or weeks more comfortable. 

When your pet's illness can't be cured, and death is inevitable, the process can still be dignified and humane. Even with hospice care, I think it's still necessary to keep constantly reassessing the pet's quality of life because their suffering may increase to the point that euthanasia becomes necessary. I want my Lilith and Ophelia with me for as long as possible, but not if they're suffering. I know from trying to look after my mom when she first became ill that it's a huge commitment. Being employed full-time means that if Lil or Ophelia begin to require around the clock care, I will not be able to provide it. Hospice care isn't for everyone, but it seems like a really nice gift to give a pet, provided that the human isn't going down that route for their own benefit. 

The ASPCA website is a great resource for further reading:
http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/pet-loss/end-of-life-care-faq.aspx 

CB, one of my childhood dogs, in middle age. He lived to be almost 20!

 

Sick Little Girl

Lilith has been throwing up since 5:15 this morning. I've been trying to comfort her and clean up after her at the same time. She's resting now, but I'm not sure if that means she's out of the woods. I'm going to call the vet as soon as they open to ask if her cartrophen injection yesterday could have anything to do with the situation. It's time for a professional opinion. 

At this age, whenever something like this happens, you find yourself wondering if this is the end, and it's so scary.  

*********************************************************
A little later in the morning...
I called the vet, and he said that the cartrophen probably had nothing to do with it, thankfully. I hope it really is just a passing stomach irritation. I've got some brown rice in the rice cooker, and am going to see if she'll take it. Lil isn't like most dogs. She won't eat food off the sidewalk, she stops eating once she's full, and she won't eat if her tummy is upset. At her age, hunger strikes aren't ideal, but she knows her body best.

She hasn't thrown up for almost four hours. I hope the rest of the day is uneventful. She's having a good nap on her bed in the living room, and seems pretty wiped, but as long as I can hear her dainty little snoring, I'm calm about the situation. 
********************************************************
Still later...
She finally ate a little bit of rice mixed with some of her wet food. The rest of the day was indeed uneventful. I even managed to take a nap! Phew! I think the worst is over, but we'll skip our walk today, just because I don't think Lil has enough energy just yet. 

Hair - and lots of it!

Lil is currently shedding her undercoat. Here's an example of the results of ONE grooming session. 

I groom her daily, in case you were wondering.

I am dedicating today's post to my brother, a wonderful human being who sneezes every time he comes to my place. It's ironic that I'm the one supposedly allergic to animals, yet he's the one with the symptoms. I just spent an hour brushing my dog. She was curled up in my lap, licking tiny gobs of poultry flavoured toothpaste, while I was inhaling the tiny particles that are supposed to make me sneeze. Either constant exposure makes you resistant, or I have discovered a miraculous cure for allergies. Or neither. I don't know why I can groom my pets daily, sleep with Ophelia two inches away from my nose, and carry Lil in the elevator tete a tete. I'm just really thankful that I can. For her part, Lilith is thankful I'm done grooming her for the evening.


I thought I'd include her before and after pics:

Before

After

Long live the internet!

Here's a gem I found this morning:http://www.animalhospice.org/
These people provide grief support before and after your pet dies. This includes giving you suggestions on reading materials, providing telephone support (though it's not toll free, and is located in Idaho), answering emails, and providing a goldmine of information on their website. 

These people are so amazing! Check out their response to one of the FAQs about how to cope with grieving pets:
We recommend the human that felt a love for the deceased animal sit and share with the grieving animal about the loss, holding the animal, sitting next to it, or across from it, whichever is accepted by the animal, and tell them `exactly' what happened to their animal friend. We tell them very slowly and explain all of the details of the loss as closely as possible. Many times this seems to be the beginning of the grieving animal's healing. Whether the animal understands your words, sees images through your thought processes or feels your emotions is not to be debated here. We at AHCC believe that the barrier between species is lowered through this type of clear and honest sharing. 


And here's part of their philosophy regarding euthanasia:
At AHCC, we discuss how we sit with our ailing animal and are very quiet. From this place of quiet and peace, we share with the animal that the illness or old age is irreversible and that we are open to hearing or feeling what the animals wishes are about the future. Not always, and still, many times the care giver will get a feeling from the animal such as: `I'm fine for now, let's wait awhile', or `I'm very tired and ready to go', or a variety of impressions or feelings that will help the person with the choice of the decision.

I love the focus on your connection with your pet. I truly believe that I can sense what Lil and Ophelia are thinking and feeling, just as they seem to know what I'm thinking and feeling. People dismiss that sort of deep bond, so I seldom refer to it, but it's there, and I love that it's been validated on this site. Thank you, people!!

Look into my eyes and listen carefully...

There's no expiration date on love

I regularly assess Lil's quality of life, so this morning, while we were walking, I was mentally going through the HHHHHMM scale for the gazillionth time. We're still peachy, thankfully.

My mom used to say that once the dog started using the carpet as an outhouse, it was time to have it put down. I'm not going to judge that comment, but I will say that it doesn't work for me. Still, there are days when looking after a senior pet is exhausting, and I think that your own needs should be taken into account, so I am hereby modifying the HHHHHMM scale. It shall henceforth be known to me as the HHHHHHMM scale. The addition of an extra H (for "human quality of life") is something I need to ponder, at least a little.

I love my pets dearly, and would never give up on them in their present state of relatively good health. However, they do take up a fair bit of time, energy, and money. I work full-time in an effort to keep them in the luxurious manner to which they are accustomed, so I need to ensure that we're all getting our needs met. If the girls begin to require round-the-clock care, that might influence the decisions I make regarding them. It's hard for me to think about my needs when I love my pets so much that I would happily toss my needs out the window, but I had to make some tough calls regarding my mom's care when she was sick, and some of them were indeed influenced by my own quality of life. In the beginning of my mom's sickness, a social worker at the hospital told me that I couldn't care for her myself. After all, she reasoned, I was one person, and I wasn't home during the day. I saw her point, and so, my mother went to the hospice, and I appreciated the care she received so much! I wouldn't have been able to provide anything close to what they did. Besides, I would have lost my mind and exhausted myself. I didn't love my mother less than someone who would have kept their parent at home to die, but I did what was right for both of us.

The love I feel for Lil and Little O won't ever expire, but I'm going to carve out a moment to ponder how caring for senior pets affects my life while I'm pondering their overall health. All I know for sure right now is that Lil and Ophelia add to my life in a way that more than repays any time, energy, and money I devote to their care. I'm so happy they're here with me :-)

She's just perfect. I know I'm biased, but still...