Last ditch effort

I took Lil to see the vet today, and we're now trying another medication for her arthritis. I know I said I wouldn't add any more medications to her daily cocktail, but this new course of action makes sense to me. Previously, the vet didn't want to put Lilith on this particular medication because it might negatively affect her kidneys, but at this point, her pain level is too high to worry about that. I won't have her suffer. I can't, so if this doesn't work, I've decided to do the humane thing and opt for euthanasia. Sniff. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for my Lilith. She will not miraculously revert to the level of health she enjoyed when she was 14. Because I've accepted this, I've decided that if I can't maintain a good quality of life for her, I will help her die. I hope it doesn't come to that. I can't begin to express how much I want her death to occur without me having to make that decision, but love sometimes means having to shoulder responsibilities such as this one.

Anyway, I should start to see signs of improvement within a week at most, so here's hoping...

P.S. I'm awfully proud of myself for holding it together during our appointment, especially considering that I've been tearing up at the gym, on the sidewalk, and while driving. This experience has been hard, but it's teaching me a lot about how loving and compassionate I can be, and I just hope I'll be strong enough until the end.