Lilith's days are numbered, and the numbers are rapidly approaching the single digits. She was doing well on her new meds for a few days, but now, she just isn't anymore. She has trouble walking, and it's obvious. She pants, she stumbles, and she sometimes has trouble standing because her hind legs can barely support her weight. There are a lot of high points, too, but I can no longer justify the situation. She scored 39 on the HHHHHMM scale this week, which is just 4 points above the bare minimum. And really, who cares if she still eats fairly well if she's in constant pain?
And so (inhale, exhale...) I've pretty much decided to opt for euthanasia before the end of this month. I'm going to sit with that decision for a day or two just in case a miracle occurs and Lilith's mobility improves drastically, but I'm not going to hold my breath. Honestly, at this point I'm hoping she dies in her sleep so I don't have to go through with it, but for me, this is the ultimate sacrifice, and I love Lilith enough to do it for her.
I'm going to miss her so much. I don't know how I'm going to cope when she's not there to kiss awake in the morning. Who will I walk along the seawall with? Who will I make liver fudge and peanut butter biscuits for, and whose snoring will lull me to sleep at night? I'll have a collection of cute doggie sweaters and all of her grooming supplies to remind me of her absence (as if I'll need physical clues), but no Lilith. This hurts so much already :-(
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