Pregrieving

·      When my mom was sick, I grieved for her just as if she was already dead. Sometimes I find myself doing that with Lilith. I know the end is getting closer. Every day with her and Princess O is a gift, and I am so thankful, but because of Lil’s recent difficulties, I can’t deny that our time together is limited, and it hurts. I see young dogs chasing sticks in the ocean and I wish my dog could still run and leap like that. I mourn her loss of mobility and stamina just as much as I mourn her eventual loss. The golden years sometimes make you take off your rose-coloured glasses and face reality head-on. My dog is nearing the end of her life, and denial is a river in Egypt. Death is a fact of life, and the pain it causes is the price you pay for love.

Sometimes I try to imagine walking along the seawall without Lil, and I can’t picture it. How am I supposed to suddenly be without her? How will I find the courage to wake up in the morning without her wet nose kisses? How will I ever be able to walk past a dog and not cry? Well, I don’t know how, but I do know I’ve lost pets before, and somehow, after a period of grieving and emptiness, I rediscover the power of my heart and adopt another pet. I’m not looking forward to the grief, but every day with the girls is worth it.

Sharing a cuddle